Scared

I'm scared of his return on RNR. Scared things will be different. I am not sure why I am scared, but I am. I am afraid things will be different, that we will not connect the way did before this deployment. Things will be different. We have both changed, scenery has changed, I have a job now, I have friends now, I have this life, that a has only included my husband in a box and on the other end of a crackly phone. That scares the crap out of me, and I am not sure how to deal with it. He is so excited to come home, I'm excited for him to come home. He says he's not worried about anything, except how I react.... no pressure there right? I am just feeling strange, needy, upset, anxious, but I'm happy and desperately want to see my husband, I miss him so much that it hurts me to my core. So then why then, do I feel this anxiety? This fear that my hubby is coming home and things will be so strange, so different. I don't like this feeling, I don't like it at all.

Oh The Waiting

I'm waiting. Waiting to decorate, waiting to clean, waiting to organize, waiting, waiting, waiting. I'm kinda tired of waiting. But Wait I shall. All things that are worth anything, are worth waiting for.

Hubby will be home on RNR in less than a month (YEA) and I am high with anticipation. I am scared to see how we fit together, scared to see how he reacts to being home, the new home. See how he adjusts to my new friends that I NEEDED to make. How all the new people mesh with the old ones. 

I'm scared, scared that it will be weird when he comes, that we will struggle to find our niche again. It's like we are dating all over again and I am nervous all over again, it's a good nervous, but nervous none the less.

Things That Sucks

I am going to TRY to not be too negative, but if I go there, well, I told you.

I feel that I am sometimes surrounded by things that suck. I am most ususally a HOOAH wife, and I love my life and my husband, but sometimes things just, plain and simple, suck.

I miss my husband, that sucks.
My 34th Bday is in 3 days, that sucks.
My 34th Bday is in 3 days, and my husband isnt' here, that sucks.
My family is not here, that sucks.
My first friend in town, my first Battle Buddy, is moving in a couple months, that sucks.
I decided to be allergic to school last week and dropped my grade from an A to a C, that sucks, my fault, but still sucks.
My house is still not unpacked because I don't know where to put things,so he'll feel comfortable when he comes home, that sucks.
My husband is having a terrible time on this deployment with a lack of good leadership, that sucks.
I can't do anything about the above mentioned suckism, that sucks.
My house needs to be decorated, the unorganization of it all is giving me anxiety, but I want my husband here to be a part of decorating our first home, that sucks.
I miss my friends and family back home, that is redundant, but still sucks.
I was attacked by my new bedframe, it cut my foot open and I feel to the floor like a baby and cried and yelled in my empty house that this kinds stuff is not my damn lane, that sucks.
****New bed however, does not suck, and I got up and finished putting it together after my very brief meeting with the pity party committee***
My cats are still adjusting to the new house, and run around, opening cabinets and dresser drawers (yes, they really do this) at 0230 waking me up b/c they can get in, but they can't seem to get out, that sucks.
My other Battle Buddy's husband just got put on a WARNO, that sucks.
I am having an issue with someone I work with on a semi-regular basis, and contrary to every single way I WANT to handle it, I must be delicate with it, that SUCKS.
I have cramps, that sucks.
I am tired, because of the freaking cats, that sucks.
I really want a baby, but fear that I am getting too old and will have problems conceiving, maybe not rational, but still sucks.
I am hoping that if the ARMY doesn't let my husband home long enough to get pregnant, maybe they'll issue us a baby, but that would suck.
I am getting a cast on my leg on monday for a torn tendon that is seperating from the bone, that sucks.
I get aggrivated with my husband for calling when it's "Inconvenient" for me, that is stupid and I suck.
I took the time to write out what I think sucks in my life right now, that sucks, but to make it suck less, here are things that do not suck!

My husband is alive and well, DOESN'T SUCK
My husband is able to call me on Skype pretty much every day, DOESN'T SUCK
My husband wants to call me every day, DOESN'T SUCK
My husband will be home soon, DOESN'T SUCK
I have beautiful new home for him to come home to and relax in, DOESN'T SUCK
I am healthy, with the exception of the tendon, DOESN'T SUCK
I am loved, DOESN'T SUCK
I am able to love, DOESN'T SUCK
I have a ton of support, DOESN'T SUCK
My husband is alive and well, STILL DOESN'T SUCK.

I guess my point is that although there are serveral things that do suck, there are so many that do not. I feel better now that I got that all out, don't you?