He's Home... now what?

So, TS has been home a month tomorrow and it's been strange needless to say. I had surgery two days before he got home and was in a wheelchair for the first two and a half weeks. Plus, my mom was here when he got home (hey, someone had to help me in and out of bed), she was a godsend. Anyhow, back to the honey. SO, he's been home and other than him complaining about being a house-husband, things are going well. Everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant, and well, that bothers me. Not because of their lack of parenting skills, but because of my sheer jealousy. I know we are in a crunch time right now. I am getting older and I don't want to me an old mom, good lord, I'm already going to bed at 10 on Fridays, but I don't want to rush with him just coming home. Anyhow, enough baby talk.

He is bored out of his mind, and I'm sorry for that, you have a ton of leave and it's just dumb to sell it all back unless you are a technician and well, he's not. He doesn't have a job, and says he wants one, but the good ones, the ADOS ones and AGR ones are not up for a few weeks when the new budget gets approved. So, he can't do that either. He is however, going crazy, sitting at home, doing laundry, cooking dinner, cleaning up the house. Funny part about it though is why does it take men SO MUCH LONGER to do what I can get done in a couple hours. It takes him the entire day to do two loads of laundry, empty and god forbid, load, a dishwasher, and maybe vaccuum. REALLY? I guess Men really don't know how to multi-task, or don't want to. :-) Well, that's all I got right now... I'm off to take a bath... rest the foot. Which is doing better by the way, still looks pretty funky. Once I figure out how to upload pictures, I will get on that.

How DARE AAFES!

I know, I know, this will more than likely insight some sort of uprising, but really AAFES? Praying on returning soldiers with the promise of a 2.9 or 3.8% interest rate on a new motorcycle while they are waiting to return home. Shame on you!

I'm SURE everyone can figure out what kind of call I got today from somewhere not in the continental United States. Let me tell you how that call went.

Him "hoooooooney" 

Me "HI BABY!:

Him "Hiiiii baby"

Me "where are you?"

Him "hoooooney, what would you think if I told you I bought a motorcycle?"

Me "what the @&*!%%*^(^*&*%^&@%#$!$@%!^%^*& are you talking about, please tell me that you did not sign any paperwork, I'm not sure you realize that we now have a mortgage to pay, and you are not 100% sure of a job when you get home, you better pray to the gods that you did not sign any paperwork because I'm going to kill you, I can not believe that you would do that without talking to me."

Him "I thought you'd be happy, that you'd think about holding on to me and hugging me"

Me "I can do all those things with out adding any payments to our bills, what in gods name were you thinking, how did you think I was really really going to react, you must be out of your !^#&(^%$%*^& mind......" etc etc, that went on for about another 20 minutes, and at the end he sounded very defeated and I felt kinda like a butt, well, not really. I mean, really? Really? Does AAFES sit there, and pray on them while they are waiting? COME ONE!!!

So, needless to say we DON"T have a motorcycle!

Have a good one

Sooooo what do you clean first?

When your soldier is getting ready to come home? I'm not sure.. I've kinda been boycotting doing heavy cleaning, cause, I don't really make the house all that dirty and well, I don't wanna. But where do I start..... Maybe, I can fold all the clean laundry that is occupying his side of the bed.... hmmmmm Maybe I'll start tomorrow?

After the "new" wears off again...

It's been a while..... well, it's been too long actually. I've been so self centered, worrying about how things will be once TS comes home. And he is, soon. I am so overjoyed that he will be home soon, to help take over the chores of the newly purchased house, and share, once again, the wedded bliss we have so missed. I am also looking forward to having him here when I have my surgery on my stupid foot. It will be an amazing help, and such a comfort, if only the Army can get him here before the surgery. I'm mostly worried about how things are gonna go after the "new" wears off again.

We all remember that stage of wedded bliss, or relationship bliss. The stage where you stop shaving your legs, getting up early to brush your hair, let alone your teeth before they wake up. And we all know that's WAY before the "letting go" of them leaving their boots and socks all over your house/apartment/cottage/loft/ whatever has passed. That time when you really learn about the other person, when the "OM MY GOD if he leaves another dish in the sink I might actually kill him/smother him in his sleep/poison his food." (no?!?! just me???? whatever!). Don't lie, you know you've been there, if you haven't then bless you, you're still in the beginning stages of your relationship, where it's all shiny, sparkling, and new. For those of us who have, and I say us loosely, because I am still considered a "new" wife, but like one of my FAV LTC's told me, that being married during a deployment, the years are like dog years, you know what I am talking about. When they leave their "stuff" ("Hey where's all my stuff?" or "Hey, what did you do with my stuff?" ) stuff = their crap, electronics, cables, cords, plugs, remotes, special fabric to be used to clean the damn TV screen, ALL OVER YOUR (both of your's) HOUSE. I find this one particularly interesting. My Love, my handsome hubby, the man that I love more than anyone in the world, used to get "stuff" out to use for whatever particular reason, and then would leave "it" out. I would pick up, at that time I was unemployed and had, quite literally, NOTHING better to do, and I would put "it" somewhere. Now, had "it" been my "stuff" I would have know where "it" came from and put "it" away where "it" rightfully belonged, but since "it" wasn't mine, I put "it" where "it" made logical sense....... to me. And when I was faced with that ever frequent and frustrating question "hey, babe, where'd you put my "stuff"?" I would say, I don't know, maybe if you put it away, you'd know where it was. Anyhow, long story short, cause I am rambling now, we determined one specific drawer, and I put all his crap "stuff" that was left out in there, and WHALA, he could find "it" once again.

See that long, drawn out, overly narrative, but totally logical statement was to highlight that we no longer have that drawer(literally and figuratively). Everything is different now. Heck, last time he was home (other than RNR), that was before this house and an apartment in the middle. Two "homes" ago. So what I am exhaustingly getting to is we have to figure out the "drawer" where all the "stuff" goes. If that makes sense, cause it does to me, and well, that's all that matters here anyhow. Ya ya, self centered at the moment. As Kathy Griffith would say, "suck it".  I just can't help but wonder how long it's going to take us to find that proverbial drawer. And how much things have changed, for both of us, I've gotten a job, moved once by myself, searched for and bought us a house, moved into that house by myself (ok, with help, both times, from a brother that is a saint when it comes to moving, but that is all together another blog moment) dyed my hair multiple colors (what I do when I get bored), told the stylist never to let me cut bangs..... cut bangs..... went back today to change colors again and get a trim..... and remind her that I told her NOT to let me cut bangs.

He's been away, completely devoid of all things "normal". He doesn't know when trash day is, what days we are "allowed" to water the grass, how much I truly have been fighting the dreaded crabgrass (I've come to the conclusion that crabgrass is the DEVIL - more on that later), how many spiders I had to kill by myself, how many times I left dishes in the sink, just like I used to yell at him about. So many things have come and gone, and he's been in a holding pattern for the last year.

Well, I truly have to go to bed now, I have to be up early to SRP a bunch of soldiers at 0700. I can only hope that when TS gets out of this holding pattern AKA Iraq, he hasn't seen too much turbulence,  had too many inflight meals, or brought home too much baggage. Don't get me started on foot lockers.

Ahhhhh RNR

He's home, starting all the Honey Do's. Nothing better than having him home. All he wants to do is take care of me, and do stuff around the house.  I love my hubby so much and so thankful for this time. I think that I got so in the routine of him being gone that I forgot how wonderful it was to have him here!!

See you all in a couple weeks.

"You know what you got into"

Against my better judgement, I will write this. SO, for those of you who don't know, and are civilians, it is NEVER appropriate to remind me, or any other spouse of a deployed service member that we "knew what we were getting into". YES we did know, but the necessity on your part to make such a stupid statement, when you have absolutely no clue what we go through, is well, less than intelligent.
But I want to talk to the other MIL spouses, those that are actually allowed to make that otherwise retarded statement. YOU did now what you got into when you married your soldier. You knew that you were marrying a soldier and, more than likely, in the political climate of the world today, that means they were going to deploy. Well, they did, and that is wonderful that they are there when their country calls. I admire the patriotism! Listen carefully, STOP BITCHING about the GD ARMY!!!! And how thankful that you will be when this is over!!!! Yes, I know, I know, I set up this blog to vent my frustrations about deployment, and there are quite a few, I'll give you that. But how about having some form of pride for what your spouse is doing? Stop blaming the Army for freaking everything, they did not force your spouse to sign up, they were not made to become part of the Army when they turned 18, we have a VOLUNTEER Army here in America, which, I know this may shock you, your spouse VOLUNTEERED for. Maybe you need to take another look at that, and stop blaming the Army for everything that goes wrong in your life. Be thankful for all that it has provided you or your spouse, and have some pride in it. MAYBE, Just maybe, you need to take a look at everything else, look deeper into things and figure out who really is to blame for your husband not getting promoted, or his extension, or his miserable experience. It's kinda like looking into a mirror, except you will see the truth about your situation, and not the fabricated one that you've made up in your head, or your spouse has made up. Yes, being married to someone in the military is difficult, but you married them. If you did not want to be married to a soldier, well, then you shouldn't have married one. IF you thought you were going to get it any easier because you married a Guardsman or a Reservist, think again, because with not living on post and having to move every couple years comes the lack of benefits, not having that great retirement after 20 years, and not being promoted as quickly as the full-timers. That is the reality of your situation, try actually living it, embrace it, after all it is the life you CHOOSE!! Try accepting the choices you've made, and making the most of them. After all, your spouse has one of the most noble jobs, maybe try being a noble spouse.

Depressed? Angry? Tired of it?

So, my hubby thinks I'm depressed. REALLY? I am doing everything here at home. I've been doing it with one bad foot for 5 months and I'm pretty sure that my foot is stil not healed. I've been working my rear end off, going to school, found and bought us a house, moved into said house, and am now trying to decorate it. I am organizing a housewarming party for when he gets home, cause he wanted to have it then rather than later, and quite frankly, I'm tired! I'm tired of doing everything myself, I'm tired that my hubby hasn't been home, really home in 11 months. Oh ya, his LTC wanted him to work 2 hours from home for the few months before the deployment. I still have 3 months left on this tour. I am having a difficult week to say the least. I went to a wine festival, and never have I felt so alone. Usually I have no problems with going to any type of event, especially when I am going with other military families. None of these that I went with were in the midst of a deployment. I've never felt so completely alone in a large group of people. It sucked. I am one seriously cranky girl this week. I am ready to have my husband hone, to have some help, to see his face, to be "normal" again. He's been trying to cheer me up, but I'm just being mean, I don't mean to be, but it's like this nasty person has taken over my personality and I can't get rid of her. I am hoping it passes quickly, I don't want to be mean to him, or to anyone. I feel like garbage this week, and nothing is helping, not even cookies or wine. You KNOW that's a stretch when cookies or wine doesn't work.

Scared

I'm scared of his return on RNR. Scared things will be different. I am not sure why I am scared, but I am. I am afraid things will be different, that we will not connect the way did before this deployment. Things will be different. We have both changed, scenery has changed, I have a job now, I have friends now, I have this life, that a has only included my husband in a box and on the other end of a crackly phone. That scares the crap out of me, and I am not sure how to deal with it. He is so excited to come home, I'm excited for him to come home. He says he's not worried about anything, except how I react.... no pressure there right? I am just feeling strange, needy, upset, anxious, but I'm happy and desperately want to see my husband, I miss him so much that it hurts me to my core. So then why then, do I feel this anxiety? This fear that my hubby is coming home and things will be so strange, so different. I don't like this feeling, I don't like it at all.

Oh The Waiting

I'm waiting. Waiting to decorate, waiting to clean, waiting to organize, waiting, waiting, waiting. I'm kinda tired of waiting. But Wait I shall. All things that are worth anything, are worth waiting for.

Hubby will be home on RNR in less than a month (YEA) and I am high with anticipation. I am scared to see how we fit together, scared to see how he reacts to being home, the new home. See how he adjusts to my new friends that I NEEDED to make. How all the new people mesh with the old ones. 

I'm scared, scared that it will be weird when he comes, that we will struggle to find our niche again. It's like we are dating all over again and I am nervous all over again, it's a good nervous, but nervous none the less.

Things That Sucks

I am going to TRY to not be too negative, but if I go there, well, I told you.

I feel that I am sometimes surrounded by things that suck. I am most ususally a HOOAH wife, and I love my life and my husband, but sometimes things just, plain and simple, suck.

I miss my husband, that sucks.
My 34th Bday is in 3 days, that sucks.
My 34th Bday is in 3 days, and my husband isnt' here, that sucks.
My family is not here, that sucks.
My first friend in town, my first Battle Buddy, is moving in a couple months, that sucks.
I decided to be allergic to school last week and dropped my grade from an A to a C, that sucks, my fault, but still sucks.
My house is still not unpacked because I don't know where to put things,so he'll feel comfortable when he comes home, that sucks.
My husband is having a terrible time on this deployment with a lack of good leadership, that sucks.
I can't do anything about the above mentioned suckism, that sucks.
My house needs to be decorated, the unorganization of it all is giving me anxiety, but I want my husband here to be a part of decorating our first home, that sucks.
I miss my friends and family back home, that is redundant, but still sucks.
I was attacked by my new bedframe, it cut my foot open and I feel to the floor like a baby and cried and yelled in my empty house that this kinds stuff is not my damn lane, that sucks.
****New bed however, does not suck, and I got up and finished putting it together after my very brief meeting with the pity party committee***
My cats are still adjusting to the new house, and run around, opening cabinets and dresser drawers (yes, they really do this) at 0230 waking me up b/c they can get in, but they can't seem to get out, that sucks.
My other Battle Buddy's husband just got put on a WARNO, that sucks.
I am having an issue with someone I work with on a semi-regular basis, and contrary to every single way I WANT to handle it, I must be delicate with it, that SUCKS.
I have cramps, that sucks.
I am tired, because of the freaking cats, that sucks.
I really want a baby, but fear that I am getting too old and will have problems conceiving, maybe not rational, but still sucks.
I am hoping that if the ARMY doesn't let my husband home long enough to get pregnant, maybe they'll issue us a baby, but that would suck.
I am getting a cast on my leg on monday for a torn tendon that is seperating from the bone, that sucks.
I get aggrivated with my husband for calling when it's "Inconvenient" for me, that is stupid and I suck.
I took the time to write out what I think sucks in my life right now, that sucks, but to make it suck less, here are things that do not suck!

My husband is alive and well, DOESN'T SUCK
My husband is able to call me on Skype pretty much every day, DOESN'T SUCK
My husband wants to call me every day, DOESN'T SUCK
My husband will be home soon, DOESN'T SUCK
I have beautiful new home for him to come home to and relax in, DOESN'T SUCK
I am healthy, with the exception of the tendon, DOESN'T SUCK
I am loved, DOESN'T SUCK
I am able to love, DOESN'T SUCK
I have a ton of support, DOESN'T SUCK
My husband is alive and well, STILL DOESN'T SUCK.

I guess my point is that although there are serveral things that do suck, there are so many that do not. I feel better now that I got that all out, don't you?

Sometimes I'm angry

ok, So I officially made it through the move, the cats are still reeling from it, and Maxwell gets lost when he goes upstairs, and doesn't know how to get down. I'm tired, tired, tired. I have homework that I want/need to get done, and still, more boxes to unpack. Sometimes I get angry about it though. I'm angry that he's not here to help. TO help me decide where to put things, which drawer he wants "that thing" to go in or "this thing" goes where? I'm trying to put things away the best I can, so it makes sense to him when he comes home, but I know that no matter where I put stuff, no matter how much I try to determine the logical spot for it, he's still not going to know where crap is when he gets home. I'm angry about that. I wish he were here to help me, not because I can't do it alone, but because I DON'T WANT TO. I'm tired, I am sure that I've mentioned it before, but I am. I am attempting to do a room at a time. Kitchen done, except for decorating, and all the empty boxes on the floor. Not to mention that the floor needs a good scrubbing! The people here before me were DIRTY. They did a decent cleaning job, but, not to my standards, I need to pour a gallon of bleach on the floor and mop with that so the grout gets cleaned. Then clean it with normal cleaning supplies. I am just ranting at this point. Tech keeps talking about all this stuff he wants to do when he gets home, and I am going to be so thankful when he is here to help. It'll be a much needed break. Well, I'm through complaining right now, I'm off to go organize the bathroom, then maybe I'll go dump that bleach on the floor... anyone have any suggestions for getting grout super clean?

OH BUT, I am super super happy that we've closed and we are officially into our first home!!!

In a weird place

So, Tech and I were talking tonight about the new house, things we want to do, room we want to decorate when I realized, that all that ground that we had covered as newlyweds, the "coming together" on decisions like, what kind, style, color, of dining room table to buy, how to decorate a room, where to put silverware in drawers, those things, all that ground we've covered and come to agreements, it's gone. The distance between our similarities at this exact moment might as well equal our physical distance. The only comfort that I have is that we've already walked this path, we've done this. It's a little different scenery, but we've done it already. We will get through this like we did before. We will because we love each other, and I swear this deployment has made us closer. It's forced us to actually work things out instead of just letting them go. We can't get too mad, because, what if something happens (GOD FORBID!!!!). It's just so hard knowing that we are both in two different places, in more than one way.

Because I "needed" him today.

So, today is the first day I truly, really, no freaking joke, needed my husband home. See I have been dealing with a torn tendon that is seperating from the bone, k enough complaining about that. So when my battle buddy "J" told me to go to discount tire last night when I told her my low tire pressure light was on, and I scoffed at it. Stating that my brand new car's tire pressure light came on all the time. No big deal. So, I did some homework last night, and I went to bed somewhere around midnight and got up for work around 5:30. I left my apt, excited for the day, we're closing on our house tomorrow.:-) I get to my car, and what do I see!?!?!? A flat flipping tire!!! Not a kinda flat, drive to the nearest gas station, put some damn air in it, but flat, you're gonna get dirty, change the tire, princess rule quickly going out the window. So I say to myself, self, your a strong woman, you've been through so much already, you can do this!! So I get everything out, loosen lug nuts (by the way, they are super easy if you jump on the tire iron), get the jack out, set it up, and then try to turn the damn thing. Well, that's just great, I can not get the leverage to turn it!!! So I call my neighbor, after feveroushly trying to do it my damn self, but fail. THANKFULLY, my neighbor, came over and twisted it and jacked the damn car up. I put on the spare, drove to discount, got tire changed, blah, blah, blah. Mind you discount was quicker than me writing this blog on my iPhone. But the real issue here, is no matter how independent you are, no matter if you are willing to change that tire, pack that house & move by yourself, no matter if you can raise 4 kids by yourself during deployment, sometimes (dammit) you need the strength of your soldier. I just hope everyone else is as fortunate as I, and has a strong neighbor to help while I am injured. Off to a better day!! And nothing can spoil it, because I am closing on my house tomorrow!!!

Just for a minute....Humor me

Can I just talk for a minute on the topic of Family Readiness? First, let me preface this by stating that this IS my full time paid job. No, I am not FRG, (I was previously and it was wonderful), I am a Family Readiness Support Assistant. Basically I help empower commanders to build a healthy, helpful, educational FRG program. That being said, I still wanna talk about it. Because I live and breath this stuff. It's my work and more importantly, my every day life. If it were not for the amazing women and men I met while volunteering, I don't know what I would have done. I was scared, new to the state, "Tech Support" was gearing up for a deployment on top of working full time for the Guard. OH, and I had no job. Needless to say, there were some moments, moments I'm not proud of, but I've learned and I've adapted. I became the HOOAH Wife that I am today for three main reasons. I am going to share the secrets, right here :-)

1. TALK TO YOUR SOLDIER & get the "REAL DEAL" from them!!!! My hubby educated me as to how it might "go" while deployed. He gave me worst case scenarios. It was terrible to think that I might not talk to him, my best friend in the whole world, for weeks on end. BUT it helped me in the long run. Do not be delusional about this situation, there will be times you won't get to talk to them, and just because your friend "Mary" gets to talk to her husband every day, doesn't mean you will. Missions are different, schedules are different for virtually every person. Don't complain to every single person that get so to hear form their soldier. AND FOR THE LOVE OF IT, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT make comments like "It must be nice to have such a wonderful, loving husband that wants to talk to you". That's just nasty and makes someone NOT want to be your friend.

2. Find yourself a battle buddy. Now I know that I've already approached this topic before, but I don't think I can stress enough how wonderful it is to talk to someone, who understands acronyms, understands what it's like to have to learn over and over how to live with their spouse. How to get over tripping over those boots, and then miss tripping over those boots. Who else will understand the frustration of ruining a $27 pair of panties because they got into "that" load and you had to rip them away from the velcro (ya ya, I know, some of you still sew everything on, but some have the velcro - ruiner of all things it can) . This person will be your GODSEND when you need them. They will listen when you bitch, laugh with you when you need it, get drunk with you when you need that. They will help you through this even if you are not in the same phase (one of mine, her hubby is deployed, the other, her's just got a WARNO). My life would be incomplete without these two, as my life would be incomplete without my husband. YES, they mean that much. Find that bond within another military spouse, you will find the quickest and most amazing bond.

3. JOIN or help out with the FRG. When they have meetings, GO. Even if the unit is not deploying for 18 months, go. Get to know these people. They will help you prepare yourself for the next deployment. Because, let's be honest, with the political climate, at this point, it's not a matter of IF there will be a (or another) deployment, it's a simple matter of when. What happened last time, well, that will be different. Talk to these people and find out what is available to you. What resources are out there. WOW, we can get our pictures taken for free before and after the deployment, by a professional photographer? (Operation Love Reunited -if in the Central Texas Area, email me and I'll send you the info for the guy we used and he's amazing!!) WOW, we can get a free membership to the YMCA? There's free money for extra curricular activities for children ages 6-17 while mom or dad is deployed (ourmilitarykids.org). Ya, this an so much more. There is free counseling, free financial help, there is so much out there. All that aside, it is (supposed to be) a friendly, helpful, supportive organization that is there to help families connect during the most trying of times in their life. It will help children connect and bring people closer. One warning, Stay away from the gossip. FRG's are not the place for it, enough said.

Now I feel that I am rambling, but hey, again, as I've said, it's my blog ;-) I just want to convey how strongly I feel about family readiness, because the saying is true, a ready family makes a ready soldier. And you most certainly want your Soldier, Marine, Airman, Coastie, or Seaman "ready" when you send them to battle.

Any Questions?

SOOOO Proud of the Guard

Sitting in a training conference yesterday I was listening to a BRILLIANT COL speak. He was talking of course about family readiness, which is one of my passions. He touched on multiple subjects, many that indirectly affect the families. But he kept going over one that touched my heart, things that cause marriages to fail and suicides to happen. Now we all know about all the free counseling out there for military and their spouses, but he's got something in the works about employment, or the lack of it when a Guardsmen/ Reservist comes home to unemployment. He is putting together a program, where at the Yellow Ribbon #5 events, they will have regional employers, who are military friendly, at these events. Ready to hire, people ready to do resume work with the soldiers, PUTTING PEOPLE TO WORK!!!!! I can not tell you how much of a relief this is to my weary heart right about now. Not just for the families I serve with my job, but for my family as well. See when "tech support" comes home, as of right now, he doesn't have a job, and that warrants concern on my part. Not for a lack of trying, this man will do whatever he needs to do to get a job and support his family, I know this and have no doubt about it. But it's nice to know that the leadership is truly taking an interest in this arena. THEY WANNA HELP!! The COL that I mentioned (Have I mentioned he's brilliant?!?!?) has already been working with the forward and has a list of soldiers that are coming home to unemployment, and they are working on getting them a job. HOW FABULOUS is that?!?! I am not sure I can truly express how wonderful and amazing I think this new program is. 

Anticipating RNR & feeling selfish

SO, TechSupport will be home for RNR in a month or two and now starts the process of figuring out how to live with him while he's home, and then how to deal with him leaving again so quickly. Probably right after we've begun to get back into some kind of rhythm. Last time he was home for more than 6 days, I was unemployed. I couldn't wait for him to come home so we could talk and I had dinner ready, at 5:30. Pretty much every day. I'd wake up with him at 0:dark:30 to make have coffee & breakfast together. Somedays, I'd run up to base to have lunch with him. NOW, I'm in school (TY MYCAA) I have a job (that requires me to work weekends sometimes), I have WAY more friends than before. Not a lot, but I've got a few great ones. Now, I'm busy. I want want want to spend time with my husband, but the terrible thing is... I don't have it right now. I will be taking a break when he comes home on RNR from school and I'm talking time off work... but then what do we do? Well I forgot to throw in to the mix the house we are buying. And that's great, but I'm worried about the every day stuff. You're going to put the towel where? The cups don't go there, or that's not where we put the spar toilet paper. The little things. Tech Support and I, we've got the big stuff, I mean, I know that there will be some stuff with reintegration, but we talk about the heavy stuff. The "REALLY" important stuff, we talk about that. I'm not worried about that. I'm worried that when he puts those boots where I'm going to trip over them, or he puts the dishtowel in a place I can't find, or god forbid, I have to be accountable to someone else again, that is what I'm worried about. OH, I can't just "run off" to Target at 8pm and not notify anyone in my house that I'm going. I'm worried about the in's and the out's of being married again, you know, the stuff no one tells you when you get married. The little stuff, the stuff that could make you nuts if you let it.

I feel as if I should not complain AT ALL as I read another blog last night that tore my heart out and broke me down. I feel so deeply for a fellow blogger and can not imagine what she is going through right now. I am complaining about my hubby not putting things in the proper place when he's home, and she recently brought her soldier home, not in ANY WAY any military family EVER imagines of having to. Please keep her and their 2 month old baby girl in your heart, your thoughts, and your prayers. Here is her blog spot.....

http://alittlepinkinaworldofcamo.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-will-always-be-marine-wife.html

A moment of silence for CPL Jonathan Daniel Porto,  a lifetime of respect!

"WE" are buying a house

Soooo, buying a house while your husband is deployed it, let's say, hmm, exhausting. He's so excited about all the "stuff" he wants to do, install a brand new, tankless water heater (the current one is 3 years old and works just fine - I understand that there are benefits to a tankless, and eventually want one, but, the one we have works), put solar panels on the roof ( which I am SURE the HOA will have something to say about), redecorate, paint, change stuff, plant stuff, do STUFF. Now, please do not get me wrong (and you don't get me wrong either "TS" - Cause the hubs reads my blog), I DO want to do all these things eventually. Right now, I am just focusing on getting into the house. We haven't closed yet, I need to pack our entire house, by myself, and arrange for movers (cause you KNOW I am not doing it by myself), not to mention hire someone to come in and scrub baseboards, steam clean all the flooring, and just do a general DEEP clean, all while going back to school full time, and doing my job as a Family Readiness Support Assistant on a brigade level. A job which can be particularly demanding on my time because A. I live so far from the Armory in which I am imbedded (the reason for the move originally) and B. I believe that every single family in my Brigade deserves attention. Every unit deserves a functioning, positive, productive Family Readiness Group, and every commander deserves to have his soldier's families taken care of. So while I fully intend on completing all of the afore mentioned things, I am SURE that there will be a breakdown somewhere. I am just hoping it's a mild one, and I don't tick off too many people while I'm going through it. So each and every time I hear "honey, so I was talking to some of the guys and they said... (insert something that we "need" to do, which the thought will make me tired) I wanna yell, "STOP the make me crazy train". Is that breakdown starting already? Anyone wanna come pack my house for me?

"Tech Support"

Let me explain why I've chosen to call my husband "Tech Support". I have used the initials of most of the other people that I will blog about, with the exception of "Bubba" who is "J's" son, and "Bubbas" which is my 15lb awesome male cat and "Princess" my "big boned" female cat. I firmly believe in Opsec and Persec and do not want to put myself or anyone else in any type of danger that this very insignificant blog could stir up, but none the less, I'd rather be safe than sorry.
So, back to "Tech Support", My husband is pretty gifted when it comes to computers, electronics, all things that have to do with surround sound, multiple zone "listening stations", video & audio equipment, and photography equipment. BUT way back last year, when "J" bought a new computer and the hubby and I "sold" her on an Apple Macbook (LOVE MINE), and she came from the wide world of the Windows platform, well, she needed a little/LOT of Tech Support. My Loving, wonderful, eager to spread the goodness of Apple and Mac products husband became just that, on call, will come over and show you how, Tech Support... hence the name. Love me some Geek!!

Verbal Vomit

I am not sure if anyone else experiences this, but "TechSupport" was moved from the night shift (which was WONDERFUL - because he was basically on my schedule here - we could talk all the time, skype pretty much when we wanted) to the day shift (Boo Hiss). Now we talk maybe once a day (which I know, I should not be complaining, some wives only hear from their soldiers once a week, if they are lucky, but hey, it's my blog, my rant) and sometimes, once every other day. So I found myself telling him the most insignificant and random things, as a very fast rate, for quite a while tonight. Then I realized that he was laughing at me, out loud. I asked him if I was overwhelming him with "info", and he said, no, he wanted to hear it. I couldn't help but think, WOW, I just threw up verbally on my husband, thousands of miles away, and he's happy about it. Strange right? Anyone else experience this?

When he said, "You're going to blog about this" and I said, "no I'm not" - I hate it when he is right!!

Value of a Battle Buddy

SO the past 30 hours have been difficult to say the least. I had an sort of "I'm overwhelmed" breakdown/ good cry yesterday. You know, the kind where you can't breath and feel sort of like a 10 yr old that fell off her bike... that kind.  I know it's juvenile, but with everything that I have decided to undertake, after it was said an done, it felt great. My eyes told another story today, and when I got to work "B" asked me if I had been crying again today. Which, I almost had, but didn't.

I haven't told you about "B" yet. "B" is one of my newly found battle buddies (her hubby isn't deployed, but she is an Army Wife living the Army Life so to speak). I met "B" on my first day of work, I walked in, there was this blonde with great shoes on, we chatted for a minute, and BAM, new (soon to be) great friend. Anyhow, she's therapeutic, makes me get down to the root of what's "wrong" with me at the various minute that I am complaining. Then she helps me work through it, in a healthy way. Now if I am in for a good old fashioned pity party, she'll let me indulge, but not for too long. Now my Friend "J", she'll let me indulge in my pity party for as long as I want. I met her through my volunteering with the FRG (husband's organic unit). She's quite a bit younger than I am, but has a wise soul. Her hubby is deployed OIF as well, my hubby wishes he was on "that" deployment, but he's not, his is different, and that's ok. As the pages continue to turn in the novel we call life, I know we are bound to come across another chapter called "Deployment", otherwise known as "Honey, you're going to have to take the garbage out yourself, and scoop cat poop as well", and he'll get his chance to do "that".

ANYWAY.... Both are amazing woman, AND both have my back. The hardest thing about this deployment is that I am so far away from everything. My family is back in AZ, I have like 3.5 friends here, All my "old" friends, well most don't understand what I am going through (although they try - but somehow your hubby going away for a two week business trip or living in another state doesn't make you sympathetic, it's makes me want to yell - BUT IS HE GETTING SHOT AT WHILE IN MIAMI ON HIS BUSINESS TRIP?!? - But I don't, because that is not conducive to a healthy post-deployment friendship). I digress..... Well, I guess the point of this is that I am dearly thankful for these two women in my life, I am not sure they know it, but when I am "ALL DONE" they hold me up, when I cry, they wipe away the tears, when I'm angry, one holds me down & calms me, the other, well, it's a tie, sometimes she calms me, sometimes she's right there poking me with a sharp stick to see what I'll do next. Either way, COULD NOT be doing this without these ladies!

Moral of the story is.... go find yourself a battle buddy, someone you can connect with, we know "us Army Wives" make friends in like 3 seconds with the "right" person. Nevertheless, it's a great thing, and hey, who else is going to understand the time difference, the bad communication, the need to not fight, but yet wanting to, the deep loneliness you feel when you are surrounded by people, the fear, and the simple joy of a hand written letter or seeing your service member on the computer screen. Nothing like Husband in a Box.

Country Songs

So, as I am sitting here, trying to figure out how to make this Blog thing work properly, I am listening to music. WHY is it that every country song is about a soldier these days? Not that it's a bad thing, some of the songs are wonderful and uplifting.... doesn't mean they don't make you cry. And the Nickleback song... I'm about over it.

Very First Blog

Today I decided that I officially needed to blog. Maybe it was because I did enough to completely overwhelm myself, stuff my husband should have been here for. Maybe it's because I have found myself randomly crying in the car recently. Maybe it's because I am in a new city, with 2 friends, that I have known for 2 minutes, but yet they know more about what is going on in my life than people I have known for 25+ years. Maybe it's because I need an outlet. Whatever the reason it is, I think it will be highly therapeutic for me. I can only hope that people (IF anyone reads this), will find some humor in my frustration and some frustration in my humor. I can't guarantee that it will make sense all the time, but I can guarantee that it will be honest. Right now, in the midst of a deployment, buying a house and moving by myself again, going back to school, working a full time job for the National Guard, I can only try like hell to keep my sanity. Anyone have any advice?